For you Tony...

6/27/2014

I've been wrestling with myself.
Should I write this?
Should I expose you?
Would it inspire or discourage?
Is it right or wrong?

I intend to be a writer who writes what she feels, not what is "acceptable" or "appropriate".

This one's for you, Tony.

Your dramatics don't move me any longer.
Your "desolation" doesn't make your little girl sad.
Your lies regarding my mother don't hold truth or weight in my heart.
Your addictions are not my problem or responsibility.
The first time you put the gun in your mouth scared me, now it's a joke.
Quit crying wolf, coward.

Little girls need acceptance, you denied me.
Little girls need shelter, you did not provide.
Little girls need love, you were clueless.
Little girls need stability, you were quick sand.
Little girls need consistency, you were in and out.
Little girls need truth, you're a fucking liar.

You're only out for number one.
What can YOU squeeze out of this life?
What can YOU get for YOU?
Who can YOU benefit from?
Who can YOU use next?

This isn't about forgiveness Tony.
Don't throw a single verse at me.
I'll puke if you quote another scripture.
I know what the book says, damn it.

You stripped me of all affirmation.
You have no idea what that did to me.
At twenty four, I am learning to love myself.
I wish it was an easier lesson.
Your middle girl never quite did it for you, huh?
I've always been Jacque's.

I will never let you get to Lane, Auden or Koen.
I'll protect them.
You won't haunt my future.
I might get married and have a baby or two.
My husband will stay.
Your spell stops with me.

Joe Weido said you were "like the wind".
He couldn't have been more precise.
Blow in, blow out, you selfish son of a bitch.

12 Comments

Erica

6/27/2014 04:19:14 am

Good for you Jodi. I'm so impressed with the grown version of the little girl I knew...you are so smart, strong, a good momma, and a beautiful woman!

Kadie

6/27/2014 04:28:40 am

I know that took alot... alot of emotion writing that. Beautiful person inside and out Jodi.

Bethany

6/27/2014 04:33:55 am

I love your heart. Be what's inside of you. Let it all out.

Dana G

6/27/2014 06:01:51 am

This takes courage, you know the road we have both been on with the kids too.this entire thing hit home BIG TIME for me. I love you, your strength and your beauty. Keep on jo, This girl right here loves you for exactly who you are. Thanks Jacque for an amazing friend and person in my life.

Becky W

6/27/2014 08:57:15 am

Very real....very raw... awesome talent !! You are honest..brave and bold...I so admire that in you !! HUGS...<3

Kim G

6/27/2014 04:45:17 pm

Jodi, this is so powerful. I'm so proud of you for writing this.

Dad

6/28/2014 09:19:36 am

I've said countless times, please forgive me for being selfish and leaving you when you were a child. I ask again that you forgive me for causing you pain and hurt in your life. GOD only knows how much I love you and miss you. I will NEVER stop praying that GOD heals and restores our relationship. There ARE some things that are not true that you wrote, but that's insignificant, when ALL truth will be known at the Judgement seat of Christ. I do feel the pain of leaving you, missing out, being selfish on my part. I would give anything to turn back time, it would be different, believe me. I'm believing that GOD can restore the years the "locust" have eaten. (Joel:2). I'm praying for forgiveness, GOD can heal. I forgive you for cussing me with the "F" word, now Jesus can forgive my sins against you and HIM, AND hear my prayers. (Matt 6:14, Luke 6:37). I pray you find forgiveness in your heart, and I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU, no matter what. Love Dad

6/28/2014 09:29:46 am

Joshua Davis, you are real wise man. I admire your obedience to the Lords will,, and your pulling down of strongholds. Yes, what Christ did on the cross says it all! I think you wrote exactly what Jesus would have written.

Kurt

6/29/2014 01:56:54 pm

Well, we who know you have all all heard this line of shit hundreds of times. Do what you want, live for your self, trample on everyone you know to get what you want, and then hide behind Christianity and Jesus. I've told you before, you are an embarrassment to our family. Be accountable for your actions Tony. That will be the only way you can earn anyone's respect. You have turned me off to Christianity for so many years thinking you represented Christianity. You are the opposite of how Jesus wants us to live our lives. Get a clue brother, save yourself before its too late. Be accountable for your actions and your words. Don't be D-bag loser and then ask for forgiveness. Your daughter had every right to call you an F-ing liar, I back her 100%. Until you realize that and change, nobody will forgive you.

Kurt

Unc Dave

6/29/2014 03:43:51 pm

Lefty Lucy, Righty Ralph.....you know what that means girl! Love you very much...and am more than 100% with you on what you have said. I know I am somewhat of an outsider, but have witnessed some of the things you said, and have also been told by "Tony" other things that would qualify. There is nothing I can say better than Kurt, he has hit it out of the park on this one!!! Obviously the "psyco" as we call him....didn't read the part in your blog about...."This isn't about forgiveness Tony. Don't throw a single verse at me. I'll puke if you quote another scripture. I know what the book says, damn it." That sums it up!! He doesn't get it.....and I know you are reading this Ton.....YOU DON'T GET IT!! My family has experienced first hand, Tony's deceit. I am not going into it, but our immediately family knows what took place with Madison, who I am most worried about now, because this is happening in real time....he has not changed, and members of his family are covering up is actions today!!!!!!! Jodie, I am so proud of you!!!!!

"Uncle" Steve Taylor

6/30/2014 02:15:48 am

"Grand Slam", my "Brothers from 'nother Mothers!" I'm not gonna detail the slights you've made against me, Tony. (You'd only deny them, anyway!) One, that was revealed to me after the fact by my baby girl should have resulted in an ass-whoopin', but my little peacemaker knew, and held it in til later...that being said...The Madison affair was the straw that broke the proverbial! One kudo, you did help turn me to the Lord, and that is all. You have turned, and negated, what I see as a chance to finally come clean and man up from your baby girl, to once again, "All About Tony". The Lord has given me many scriptures concerning this (yes, I have prayed about this, and yes, for you as well, but one that stands out, 1 Timothy 5:8...(I'll try to put all of the versions in a nutshell) "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, especially members of his household...he has denied the faith, and is WORSE than an unbeliever, heathen, infidel...This does not mean monetary support; "You cannot serve God and mammon" (though it seems you are trying your best to); it means emotional, spiritual, physical, support. Fulfilling the obligations of a father, no matter the obstacles, perceived or otherwise. Dude, once upon a time I thought you were the shite, and turned the other cheek many times...and believe...KNOW...that you still have the opportunity to "walk the talk"...the ball is truly in YOUR court, now...don't wait...HE'S nigh.........

Baby sister

6/30/2014 06:40:50 am

although my dad and I have been to hell and back together, I will always honor and love him. even when he does the stupid shit he does. I do agree that this blog & it's comments have become out of control. I think that everyone commenting that is not of our family, has no business (Steve) and no, I do not care what any of you have to say. I may be 16, but I will stand my ground. for you all to be adults, my opinion is that commenting on this blog was acting child-like and was unnecessary. it's also very* child-like to throw scriptures into a comment that only made things worse (Dad). I love you all very much and I always will.

Madison

For you Tony...

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